Real Relationships Rule—Or Do They? (ThinkCERCA)
By Pamela Dell
September 2018
What if they gave a school dance and nobody showed up?
This isn't just a strange "what-if" scenario. No, it's a real-life "what is" occurrence. In some high schools on the East Coast and probably many other places, school dances are quickly becoming a thing of the past. These schools have stopped even scheduling dances because students just aren't interested. They have more fun, it seems, and more freedom from adult supervision, by staying home and texting or communicating on social media.
Or maybe groups of dance- averse students gather instead at their local hangout. It's easy to imagine them sitting together in eerie silence, noses down and thumbs flying over the keys of their smartphones. Occasionally they laugh and giggle and raise their heads to take selfies they plan to send to the person sitting next to them, as well as to an internet friend living on the other side of the world.
In many students' experience, the power of social media and social networking through digital technology is a giant plus, a natural part of operating in the world. But is this trend toward living more in cyberspace than "in real life," otherwise known as IRL, all positive? Many—mostly adults—would say there's a definite downside. They fret about the effects of the "digital revolution" on children and their social skills. Is there really anything to worry about though?
For the so-called Net Generation, or "Net Gen," online connectivity is the only way it's ever been. They have never known a time when the only way you could reach out to someone at a distance was to call them or—horrors!—resort to the tedious task of snail mailing. And this whole thing of using a handheld device, a website, or a software program to communicate and socialize is, it seems, pretty much all second nature. Not surprisingly, one study showed that teens 12 to 18 years old know more screen names than home phone numbers. Other research found that about 74 percent of teens use digital media—IMing and texting—as their main tool for communicating, whereas that number was only 44 percent among wired adults.
In a 2018 study by Common Sense Media, 68% of teens said they preferred to communicate with friends electronically instead of face-to-face. In that study, one-third of teenage respondents said they had been woken up in the middle of the night by their phones. Fifty-five percent said they “never or hardly ever” turn off or silence cell phones when hanging out with friends, with 34% saying they weren’t likely to turn off or silence phones when visiting family, either.
People of every age appreciate the power and convenience of communicating and socializing through digital media. However, it appears that the art and skill of actual face-to-face conversation is going by the wayside. Texting hit its peak in 2011, when Americans sent 2.3 trillion texts. The number of texts sent annually appears to be decreasing by a few billion per year, but that’s not because everybody is meeting face-to-face. Instead, some texting has been replaced by other forms of electronic messaging, such as instant messages or communication via social media. Whether people are texting or IMing, it’s clear what they’re not doing: meeting in person. Is this lack of face-to-face communication a cause for concern?
Debates over this question, especially as it concerns kids, are raging. Some say increased digital communication is a plus for young people. An article in the Journal of Adolescent Research claimed that social networking sites give kids a chance to overlook ethnic or racial divisions they'd experience in face-to-face situations. The author also observed that such practices help kids build their communication and social skills. Those in favor of social networking note that they give young people a chance to get the peer support they might not otherwise have. In other cases, it's an opportunity to discuss issues they only feel comfortable bringing up anonymously.
On the other hand, there are those who view the whole electronic communication trend as bad for humanity—not to mention for the kids themselves when they get older. An op-ed published in 2013 by Elaine Lac, a student at Bucknell University, said that the "inability to live without technology" will prove disastrous because no one takes the time anymore to think up original ideas. Constant use of technology, she argued, results in "recycled" thinking, just a repeat of ideas expressed first by others.
Lac ended her opinion with a dark observation: "These thoughts become shallow and common, a dangerous future for idea development." She may be right. As one example, scientists and inventors don't come up with the next Nobel Prize-winning concept or equation without deep original thinking.
Another concern about digital versus face-to-face communication relates to nonverbal communication, features of communication such as body language, inflection, and facial gestures. Young children are not programmed to catch the clues in body language or the subtle messages in facial expression. To be good at picking up the complexities and subtleties of face-to-face conversation takes tons of experience just doing it. If kids don't practice, how will they be adept as adults at IRL interactions?
That may be a good question, but another question poses itself. Will they even have to? The way things are going, the answer might be "no." Perhaps when you and your friends are well into being thirty-something, practically everything that goes on between adults will be digitized, virtual, and happening in cyberspace. That's a bit sci-fi freaky, but a lot of people would be all for it. By then, the big question might just be, "Who needs IRL anyway?"
