In this section (321 words), I report not JUST the facts surrounding George Washington’s death, I include my OPINIONS and CONCLUSIONS about his death. Notice how my introduction to the section is my opinion/ thesis about his death, not just a factual statement.
To demonstrate how I incorporated the original text into my own writing, I've linked some of the in-text citation links to the original source passage.
George Washington’s Death
George Washington died over 200 years ago, in 1799 to be exact. It wasn’t due to old age, he wasn’t killed in a duel, he wasn’t trampled to death by one of the horses on his ranch. No, Washington’s untimely death was the result of doctor incompetence. But, since it was 200 years ago, perhaps we can forgive the doctors for their incompetency.
After forty years of public service, Washington had retired to his Mt. Vernon Plantation
which had “been neglected for decades” in hopes of making it “solvent and functional” again (Knott). Despite being in his late sixties, “he was still a commanding figure” and was often seen riding his horse throughout his property (“George Washington”). On December 12, 1799, only two years after the end of his presidency, Washington returned from having spent five hours inspecting his property on horseback. Washington wrote in his journal, “At about ten o’clock, it began to snow, soon after to hail, and then to a settled cold rain" (Knott). Despite being cold and wet, Washington went on to dinner without changing from his clothes. He had company over and felt it would be impolite to be late (“The Death of…”). The next morning found him in bed with a sore throat and eventually a doctor was sent for.
Ultimately, three doctors and a plantation overseer tended to him with disastrous results: over 40 ounces of blood was drained from his body, “a mixture of molasses, butter, and vinegar [was administered] to soothe his throat”, but it was so thick and difficult to swallow that Washington almost suffocated. He was given an enema to cleanse his bowels and an emetic to induce vomiting. All of this for a cold and sore throat. "I die hard,” he said, “but I am not afraid to go” (“The Death of…”)*. After two days of outright quackery, George Washington, the first president of the United States, was dead.
Works Cited
“The Death of George Washington.” George Washington’s Mt. Vernon, Mt. Vernon Ladies’
Association, 2017, mountvernon.org/digital-encyclopedia/article/the-death-of-george-washington.
“George Washington.” History, A&E Networks, 2009, history.com/topics/us-
presidents/george-washington.
Knott, Stephen. “George Washington: Life After the Presidency.” US Presidents: George
Washington, The Miller Center – U of Virginia, 2017, millercenter.org/president/washington/life-after-the-presidency.
Louis Braille example: Notice that this passage is entirely factual and does not cite any sources.
Louis Braille was born on January 4, 1809, in a small town in France called Coupvray. His parents, Monique and Simon-René, were also from Coupvary. Louis had three siblings: Monique Catherine Josephine, Louise-Simon, and Marie Celine. Louis’s father was a village saddler and he had a workshop at home; his mother was an agricultural laborer. When Braille was just a young boy, he loved to play in his father’s workshop. One day, he was trying to make a hole in a piece of leather with an awl when the tool slipped and poked him in the eye. The infection spread to the other eye. When he was just three years old, he was completely blind and could not even see light. It was a devastating event for him. But a few years later, he found the “night writing” that the military used to communicate without light or noise. The night writing system helped Braille to read and write in spite of his disability. By the age of ten, Braille was a diligent and bright student, so he started attending one of the first blind schools in the world, The Royal Institution of Blind Youth in Paris.
* https://library.nic.bc.ca/c.php?g=705605&p=5032741
My thoughts
Paraphrasing and quoting from Knott
Paraphrasing and quoting from George Washington
Paraphrasing and quoting from The Death of George Washington
George Washington died over 200 years ago, in 1799 to be exact. It wasn’t due to old age, he wasn’t killed in a duel, he wasn’t trampled to death by one of the horses on his ranch. No, Washington’s untimely death was the result of doctor incompetence. But, since it was 200 years ago, perhaps we can forgive the doctors for their incompetency.
After forty years of public service, Washington had retired to his Mt. Vernon Plantation
which had “been neglected for decades” in hopes of making it “solvent and functional” again (Knott). Despite being in his late sixties, “he was still a commanding figure” and was often seen riding his horse throughout his property (“George Washington”). On December 12, 1799, only two years after the end of his presidency, Washington returned from having spent five hours inspecting his property on horseback. Washington wrote in his journal, “At about ten o’clock, it began to snow, soon after to hail, and then to a settled cold rain" (Knott). Despite being cold and wet, Washington went on to dinner without changing from his clothes. He had company over and felt it would be impolite to be late (“The Death of…”). The next morning found him in bed with a sore throat and eventually a doctor was sent for.
Ultimately, three doctors and a plantation overseer tended to him with disastrous results: over 40 ounces of blood was drained from his body, “a mixture of molasses, butter, and vinegar [was administered] to soothe his throat”, but it was so thick and difficult to swallow that Washington almost suffocated. He was given an enema to cleanse his bowels and an emetic to induce vomiting. All of this for a cold and sore throat. "I die hard,” he said, “but I am not afraid to go” (“The Death of…”)*. After two days of outright quackery, George Washington, the first president of the United States, was dead.
Original: While waiting for Dr. Craik's arrival, Rawlins extracted a half-pint of blood. Washington favored this treatment—despite Martha's voiced concern— as he believed that it cured him of past ailments. Washington was also given a mixture of molasses, butter, and vinegar to soothe his throat. This mixture was difficult to swallow causing Washington to convulse and nearly suffocate.
Washington was bled for the fourth and final time. It was later reported that a total of thirty-two ounces of blood was extracted during the last bleeding.
Craik went to him and Washington said, "Doctor, I die hard; but I am not afraid to go; I believed from my first attack that I should not survive it; my breath can not last long." Soon afterward, Washington thanked all three doctors for their service.
My Version: over 40 ounces of blood was drained from his body, “a mixture of molasses, butter, and vinegar [was administered] to soothe his throat”, but it was so thick and difficult to swallow that Washington almost suffocated